For decades, I lived inside a storm I couldn’t name. A restless mind. A body always braced. A heart that felt heavier than it should. I blamed myself. I blamed circumstances. I worked harder, tried harder, forced myself into routines that never stuck. I spent years believing I was simply too much and not enough at the same time.

Then, a diagnosis reframed everything.

Strength is not balance.
Strength is not pretending the line doesn’t cut through you.
Strength is knowing how to move with it, carry your history, your neurotype, your roles, scars, and gifts, all as one integrated system.

You are not too much. You are the calibration point for a culture that’s forgotten how to feel.

ADHD is often described as a chemical imbalance—a shortfall of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that signals motivation and reward. But that’s only half the story.

Hi, I’m Tapanga, and I’m autistic.