Introducing Narc-Away™: The Only Spray Guaranteed to Keep Narcissists 100 Feet from Your Sanity
Tired of being gaslit into oblivion?
Exhausted by the “I’m sorry you feel that way” Olympics?
Sick of wondering if you’re in a relationship or you’re just a therapist with benefits?
Well, grab your nearest flame-retardant emotional armour, because it’s time to meet…
Narc-Away™
The first (non-FDA approved but emotionally essential) personal defence spray that repels narcissists, emotional vampires, and their cousin Chad who always plays devil’s advocate.
How Does It Work?
Science! (a.k.a. trauma-backed logic and petty rage.)
Each spritz releases a toxic cloud of:
Boundary enforcement
Visible self-esteem
Low tolerance for bullshit
And just a hint of “I’m in therapy now.”
It’s been lab-tested in chaotic kitchens, codependent bedrooms, and even during brunch with your friend’s passive aggressive, manipulative boyfriend. Results? Immediate retreat, sulking, or a passive-aggressive text 20 minutes later.
Real Results from Real Empaths:
🔹“I sprayed it after he said ‘you’re too sensitive’ and he vanished in a puff of unprocessed childhood trauma!”
🔹 “She tried love bombing into taking an extra shift. I sprayed Narc-Away™ and watched her shrink away like a vamp at sunrise.”
🔹 “Works at the office! My boss stopped talking over me in meetings. Now I have peace AND I got a raise.”
Active Ingredients:
The Word “No” Said While Maintaining Eye Contact
Silence When They Demand a Reaction
Not Explaining Yourself More Than Once
Walking Away When They Start Monologuing
And Our Special Ingredient And Essential Extract: Organic Power of Blocking
May also contain traces of:
“Who hurt you?”—asked with genuine disinterest.
Warning:
Narc-Away™ may cause:
Spontaneous journaling
Unapologetic naps (the best kind)
Friends telling you “Wow, you look happier”
Sudden loss of dead weight
Freedom from manufactured guilt
The sudden urge to block numbers and/or social media profiles
Increased oxygenation due to finally breathing again*
*Not for physical consumption. External Use Only!!!
But Wait, There’s More!
Act now and we’ll throw in a bonus mini-canister of Covert Narc-Neutralizer™, perfect for subtle manipulators who:
“Forget” your birthday but never let you forget their “birthday month”
Cry whenever you have needs
Say “I’m working on myself” like it’s a full-time job with no results
Product FAQ
Q: Can I spray Narc-Away™ directly on my ex?
A: Do not go near your ex. Side effects include getting sucked back into a three-hour “closure” talk that ends with you paying for their Uber.
Q: Does it work on family members?
A: Yes. Warning: may result in awkward holidays and sudden sensations of freedom.
Q: Is it safe around coworkers?
A: Yes. In fact, one spritz during a “quick meeting that could’ve been an email” clears the whole room in seconds.
Q: Can I use Narc-Away™ on a first date?
A: Highly recommended. If they start monologuing about their “crazy ex,” spray twice and immediately ask for the check.
Q: Is it safe around pets?
A: Absolutely. Dogs love boundaries. Cats invented them.
Don’t wait.
Spray now.
Reclaim your time, your mind, and your Friday nights.
Because “fixing” a narcissist is like trying to teach a toaster respect.
Grey doesn’t scare me like it used to.